Modern women are notorious for shitty self-care. With families, jobs, school, and/or social lives, as well as the ever-elusive (read: nonexistent) superwoman persona, it can be incredible easy to let any focus on ourselves go by the wayside. I’ve personally been guilty of this too many times in my life to count, and it’s one of the most common issues I see with the clients in my practice, regardless of their identified reason for coming to therapy in the first place.
Our commitments to others are never-ending, especially if we have families. Our commitments to our jobs or studies can be equally so. It’s not uncommon for most women I know to find themselves beyond busy 12-15 hours a day, sometimes more. It’s not uncommon for most women I know to be sleep-deprived, exhausted, overextended, and overwhelmed.
It’s totally uncommon for it to be OK to admit that we are any of these things, as if to admit that is equal to admitting total defeat to life, or that being overwhelmed somehow has some say in what kind of person we are at the core.
Unfortunately, it’s the ignoring of our own needs that gets us into trouble. When we do so, we end up depressed or anxious, fighting insomnia, snapping at our loved ones, powerless over food and alcohol cravings, and feeling totally guilty about everything. When we are depleted — physically, emotionally, and/or nutritionally — we are unable to handle any stress at all and we feel like we totally suck at life.
Ignoring our own needs, limitations, and desires is a really crappy and unsustainable way to live. It is the complete opposite way to contentment.
I totally get all the reasons, explanations, and excuses. I’ve made most of them myself, many times over. But the simple truth is that you must learn to take care; to take very good, very sweet, very exquisite care of yourself if you want to be able to handle your life. It is a number one tool for stress management, for confidence and self-esteem, for resilience, for being a good role model to others.
The perfect metaphor here is the airplane oxygen mask one; you know, that you have to put your own mask on first, before you help your little people or anyone else? (Because if you don’t, duh, you won’t be of any use to anyone in an emergency because you probably won’t be able to breathe.)
I believe focusing on yourself and engaging in regular (daily!) self-care is one of the most selfless acts you can take, especially for others in your life.
I’ll be writing more on self-care as the months go on, but for ideas on how to implement this, see my blog posts on Simple Ideas for Self-Care and Saying “No” as an Act of Self-Care.
