My Personal Ingredients for Happiness (Part 1)

These days, I spend quite a bit of time thinking about what contributes to my happiness, what brings me pleasure, and what makes me feel good. This isn’t to say that I just started pondering this topic in my (ahem) late-30’s, but it’s something that became increasingly important as I started to heal my relationships with a few specific things I thought I enjoyed or made me happy (like partying, drinking, and shitty food, all of which I partially justified as “treats” for being so otherwise healthy and on-top of things). And to be honest, when some of these things weren’t options for me anymore, I felt a little lost, and more than a little sad that I’d put some of my true loves on the backburner in favor of things like bars and boys.

So I really did have to say to myself, simply, “Megan, what do you like? What makes you feel alive, joyful? What were the things you loved to do before you discovered substances and before drinking became the center of nearly all of your social and personal activities, even the ones you love?”

And then I was like, “uhhhh…” Because I kinda didn’t know anymore.

I began to think and I began to write. I made a list of my must-haves. This is similar to my go-to ideas for filling my tank, but it’s much more broad. These are the things I know that I need in my life in order to thrive, to be present for my relationships and my work, and to feel authentically me. The cool thing about this list’s simplicity is that I can look at it when I’m feeling off, or starting to feel overwhelmed, anxious, or depressed, and I can pretty easily see which areas may have been neglected recently, and which ones need some extra attention.

Here are the first 5 of my Big 10. (I’ll write about the rest next month ‘cause this entry is long AF.*)

• Connection. I’m a pretty strong introvert and I adore my alone time. But even when all of my other ingredients are being met, if I am feeling disconnected from my loved ones, I will feel off. This can be fed by setting aside quality time with my husband, scheduling dates (in person or by phone) with friends, or
  calling my parents or brother. Sometimes even a simple text message will do the trick, other times I need, like, really concentrated face time. I’m a transplant to Denver and I cherish my long-term relationships very much, so I always have to have a trip to visit friends and/or family on the calendar, even if it’s months away. (For those of you who know Chapman’s 5 Love Languages, it should be no surprise that my main love language is, in fact, quality time.)
• Sleep. I cannot function without sleep, and this is something that has become more and more apparently as I age. I don’t do well on less than 8 hours, and I rarely have time for naps these days, so I do what I can every night to make sure I get as much sleep as possible. I wake up at 5 AM most mornings, so I aim to be in bed around 8:30 PM and read until I fall asleep. Nighttime routines are very important, especially if you struggle with sleep. Set aside time to get ready for it this very important thing. Relax and wind down with no phone, no TV (in fact, especially if you struggle with sleep, take your TV out of your bedroom and buy an old-school alarm clock right now). I take my nighttime supplements (probiotics, magnesium, and tryptophan), and sometimes drink a bedtime-themed tea. I sleep with earplugs and rub the sweetest smelling sleepytime essential oil blend on the bottoms of my feet. More on all things sleep in future posts, for sure.
• Animals. My old lady dog, Matilda (aka Tilly, to the right), is #1 for this category. She’s my best friend.

  

  I have always had one or two dogs as an adult and I credit much of my happiness (and getting through the not-so-
  happy times) to them. If you’re an animal person, you can totally relate to this; there is nothing better! I also sprinkle animal time throughout my day. Half of the accounts I follow on Instagram are animal-related (mostly rescue dogs, rescue goats (holy crap!), and clumber spaniels, my favorite breed (do you know them? They are hilarious!). In the past, I’ve been a volunteer at various dog shelters and spent a month working with orangutans in Indonesia (my very own Eat, Pray, Love moment on the heels of a nervous breakdown!). Although I’m not personally a fan of actual zoos, I will never pass up an opportunity to hang with goats (and company) at farms or petting zoos or animal rescues.

• Music. I’m pretty sure music was one of my first escape tactics/coping skills. I have always been obsessed with music. I spent hours in my room (even as a young kiddo) memorizing the lyrics to my newest cassette tape and basically spent all of my middle school (babysitting) and high school (waitressing) money on CD’s and concert tickets. I would not have made it through my awful and angsty adolescence without it, for serious. These days, I still rely heavily on music for my mood management and have specific songs and artists that I turn to depending on my needs. I highly recommend making a few mixes as part of your coping tool-kit, or at least have a few artists on hand to easily start a Pandora station when you are about to lose your shit. Maybe one day I’ll share some of my mixes (winkyface).
• Spirituality. Spirituality and I have had a rocky road throughout my life. I would say that I didn’t even start to grasp the concept of spirituality (versus religion) until my late 20’s and it’s been an ongoing process. But, what I’ve learned and taken comfort in since strengthening my spiritual muscles has definitely been on the lifesaver side of things for me. And this is such an individual thing, right? And it
  can look so very different from one person to the next. So for some, it may be actual church or study groups or 12-step communities. For me, it’s a mash up of yoga, prayer, and meditation, reading and discussion, and getting out into nature. My recovery has been fully supported by my spirituality and a Higher Power of my own understanding (not the one I grew up with), and though I never, ever push this with clients, I do believe it’s a huge strength and an essential part of overall wellbeing for most people.

And so the big question is then, what about you? What are your ingredients for happiness, your must-haves? Take some time to think about it, start journaling your thoughts, make a list (I keep mine in the Notes section of my phone for easy reference.). Maybe the measurements change, maybe they’re not all equal, and maybe you find a new must-have ingredient. The point is, duh, to prioritize you (and your health and happiness) in a big way and get busy adding these ingredients in on a regular basis.

*Click here for My Personal Ingredients for Happiness (Part 2)