(Dear Readers, I’ve been messing around with my own morning routines over the last few months, and it’s got me thinking – I’ve never written about this and it is so important!)
One of the most proven, effective lifestyle hacks for depression, anxiety, stopping drinking (so, like all the things my clients deal with) is creating a habit of a morning routine. I can’t emphasize how helpful this is, not just for mental health, but for just general life (feeling calm, productive, and proud – this is good for everyone!).
Despite it being so darn helpful, we know that mornings can be tough. Maybe you slept like shit (or not at all), maybe you have kids, or perhaps you have a job with an early start. Or, if you’re in the throes of a hangover or depressive episode, even if you have nowhere to be by 9 AM, the mere thought of doing anything is simply too much. (I get it. So be gentle and don’t sell yourself short. Keep reading.)
Routines and rituals are the things that can keep us grounded, help us feel aligned, and support us through whatever tough or chaotic times we might have.
They’re things we can count on. An anchor. A harbor in the storm. (Pardon my maritime metaphors here, but it’s really the perfect fit!) When we have the right morning routines and rituals for us, we’re able to start our day with feelings of calm, direction, and purpose. We make better choices. We get more accomplished. We’re present and engaged. We have moments where we can feel or hear our intuition. We’re more patient, with ourselves and others. We’re more likely to know where we’re headed and to follow through with the things we want to do. Freedom, with structure.
These practices set the tone for the rest of the day. We thrive when we’re anchored.
But not tied down. I’m not talking about getting super rigid, or even terribly disciplined, but rather intentionally setting aside time for yourself and your day (and the domino effect, of course, is for your partner, your family, your friends, and coworkers). To create a foundation that isn’t set in stone, but a most-of-the time thing. Your morning routines and rituals may look different depending on the season, or whether it’s a workday or weekend, or vacation, or if you have guests in town. But, like I said, most of the time.
It’s not a one-size-fits-all situation (really, what is?).
Think about how your currently start your day. What are your morning routines and how are they working for you? Does what you do in the morning look like you taking time for yourself? Does your morning reflect your self-value and self-love? How does it set you up for your day? Are you walking into the rest of the day feeling calm, peaceful, and confident, or frazzled, chaotic, and anxious?
Once you have an idea of what’s working and what’s not, the fun can begin.
One of my go-to ways of thinking and decision-making over the years has been Danielle Laporte’s Desire Map. In a (very small) nutshell, it’s a goal-making framework in which you decide how you want to feel and do the things that will create and nourish those feelings. I’ve been setting my yearly, monthly, and weekly goals with this practice since it came out, and I love it SO MUCH.
Enough about me and back to your mornings. How do you want to feel during your day? You cannot feel any different than you already do unless you do something differently, so a good place to start is with the start of your day! What kind of tone do you want to set for the day? What would help you get there?
Here are some ideas, literally just a handful of what must be countless options:
- Read in bed
- Make breakfast
- Make your bed
- Drink hot water with lemon
- Spend 5-10 minutes writing without goal or judgement
- Exercise
- Yoga
- Meditation
- Go for a walk
- Sit in front of a light-lamp (or SAD lamp) for a few minutes
- 5-10 minutes focusing on your breath
- Cuddle with your pet, unless it’s a snake
- Walk your dog, if you have one (you should consider it because they are great for helping you feel better)
- Sit outside
- Read an inspirational passage
- Listen to music (pick a morning jam that gets you feeling the way you want to feel!)
Notice that exactly none of these ideas are: “check your phone the second you wake up, scroll on social media for 45 minutes, feel like shit,” or “wake up 5 minutes before you have to be out the door, feel so rushed you stop breathing,” or “forget to eat breakfast and shove some candy into your mouth on the way to work and then eat candy all day long, feel sugar-rushed-and-crashed all day.” You get the idea, right? Because you have so many more important things to do than to feel like crap.
One of the keys to any kind of habit or routine is that more is less.
Start small, even just a few minutes of non-negotiable time. Forget about what you think you “should” do and focus on what will help you feel the way you want to feel.
If this sounds impossible for your situation, or you’re getting pissed at me (“easy for you to say, clueless, you don’t have ______ (insert whatever makes your life different from mine)”), I’d encourage you to, um, forgive me, and then take a few minutes and brainstorm. Ask yourself, “If I am to create a morning routine that sets the tone for my day and makes me feel and act like a better human being, what do I need to make that happen?” To get up earlier (or go to bed earlier?)? Wake up before the kids? Ask for help from someone else in the house? To prepare some stuff the night before? Set an alarm, find an accountability buddy, I mean, whatever? Think about ways to make this possible.
Let me know how this goes.
I’ll also be writing a nighttime routine blog soon and will link it here. In the meantime, try a few different things and have fun experimenting. Don’t judge yourself when something doesn’t work, just try again or try differently. You’ve got this.
