(This is LONG and honestly, putting in all these links took more time than writing it.)
Full disclosure!
I ate 2 pints of ice cream last weekend, “in support of our local ice cream parlor.” Then I decided, no ice cream during the week. So I ate a whole bag of chocolate chips. Then we we went out to buy more pints of ice cream. I increased my screen-time by like 70% last week. I broke into tears a few times. I’ve been irritable and distant with my husband and then sweet and affectionate and needy an hour later, like a porcupine who needs a hug. I’m not as productive as I usually am; things just feel a little harder than usual. I’m tired. I’ve been a little off, sometimes more than a little. There is no handbook for a freaking pandemic and we are all losing our shit, at least a little bit.
I’m writing this a little more than a week into implementing our social-distancing (essentially self-quarantine) due to the COVID-19 situation. Oh, friends! What can I say? If you are waking up every morning like, “Oh, shit, this is still happening,” then you’re not alone. Nearly everyone I know is feeling anxious, worried, and stressed right now, about one or 100 things.
Most of us are staying at home, with limited (or no) contact with other humans. Many of us are worried about our loved ones, our health, our livelihoods, the economy overall, and the impact on communities and families who don’t have the same level of privilege (economic and otherwise) that we may have. Some of us are struggling with staying sober, not binge eating everything in our house, not feeling completely cut-off from humanity. Many of us are barely able get a good night’s sleep. Holy crap, it’s a lot.
It’s tough to live in such uncertainty. It is hard right now, and things feel so intense. We want to feel stable, safe, and that things are predictable – and as controllable as possible. While you and I may enjoy these securities on a mostly-regular basis, we certainly don’t now. This creates so much anxiety. You may be hitting every spot on the emotional spectrum in recent weeks, and may continue to do so for weeks or months to come. I’ve personally been scared, anxious, depressed, heart-broken, confused, angry, overwhelmed, irritable, helpless, and sad – just to name a few, and often all of these in one day!
I need you to know (and I need myself to know) that this is all completely understandable now. There’s so much we can’t control and we don’t know how so much of this is going to play out. I’m sharing a few tips that I’m starting to find helpful, in my second week of navigating this myself.
The biggest one is sorting through what I can and cannot control. I have worked so hard on this in sobriety (God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.). You don’t have to be in 12-step recovery (I am not, FYI), nor have a belief in God for this to be helpful – now or ever.
Here are the things in my control (not an exhaustive list), mostly having to do with what I do with my own time right now:
- How much social media (and news media) I consume, ughhhhh. Do you need limits on this? Take the apps off your phone, set a timer for scrolling, use a website blocker or time-tracking app on your phone. I noticed that last week, my boundaries with social media went out the window. I need to get some of them back, for my own mental health.
- How much rest and relaxation I get; important for stress and immune system
- What I do (within my control!) to protect myself from getting sick (staying home, body and home hygiene, immune-boosting supplements, things like that)
- Attempting to manage my stress levels (with all of these things, self-care, also meditation, purposeful distracting, etc.)
- Deciding to give myself (and others) grace, believing everyone is doing the best they can (unless they’re needlessly out and about in groups; honestly, I have no answers for that one). Our brains function differently under stress. Be patient, go slower, do one thing at a time.
- Being OK doing less than usual, but creating something like a routine or schedule while at home – this is one of the biggest gifts you can give yourself right now
- Keeping myself well-fed (literally no problem with that, you know what I mean?); acknowledging that prepared, canned, frozen foods are all a-ok (they always are), that I don’t have to “make up” for indulging or eating too many desserts (I never do), but try to mostly eat foods that give me some nutrition and don’t make me feel too crappy (literally, figuratively)
- Being OK with not exercising as much as usual, but also trying to move at least once a day (walk, online exercise and yoga classes, gentle stretching, for example)
- Trying to stay in the present and to practice mindfulness when I sense my anxiety or depression feelings growing; practicing grounding, orienting, breathing
- Getting outside, at safe distances from people, for Vitamin D, fresh air, and moving that body. (Our dog, Poppy, is getting so many walks!)
- Staying connected with friends and family via text, phone, and video. I’m trying to have one “video date” a day; so far, I’ve met for coffee, tea, meals, and chats and it’s been really enjoyable, even for an introvert like me.
- If you have the time and resources, sometimes helping others helps ourselves. Think about how you can help, maybe by donating money, sending gifts to friends, supporting small businesses, donating time for local causes, (safely) checking in on your neighbors
- Staying grateful, or coming back to it; using a gratitude journal, paying attention to the small moments in our day-to-day that are nice, uplifting, or comforting
- Asking for boundaries and/or help at home
- Showering every day. I’ve found this to be a great anchor right now, and it’s one I can totally do.
In addition to the ideas above, here are some fun, meaningful, or helpful ideas, if you want to do something differently:
- Plant a garden, even in pots inside your house
- Start a jigsaw puzzle; complete it, even
- Household or virtual dance parties, even just one song
- Spring cleaning (I mean, not necessarily fun, but therapeutic! We will be Marie Kondo-ing quite a bit, and doing things we never do, like clean our baseboards.)
- Train your dog! Just 5 minutes a day a few times a day can be effective and great for both of you.
- Take some video lessons (foreign language, visual arts, music, crafts). Reconnect with an old hobby, or start a new one.
- Get dressed just for the hell of it. Even if it’s daytime pajamas. I’m enjoying being make-up free, TBH, but some of my friends feel great and more “normal” still putting on lipstick every so often.
- Getting virtual support through remote psychotherapy (holler!), online recovery meetings (sobriety is incredibly challenging for some right now – that’s OK and you can get support, see below.), asking for what you need.
- Experiment in the kitchen and/or bake something at least once a week
- Make some playlists on Spotify, bonus if they’re uplifting (I’ve been working on an autobiographical set of playlists since last year. Currently working on middle school!)
- Start a streaming a new series, or re-watch a favorite. (We’re currently re-watching season 2 of Westworld so that I can understand it. I still have no idea what’s going on, so if you have time to explain it to me, let’s talk.) When all else fails for me, it’s Curb Your Enthusiasm.
There may be some days where you don’t want to do anything, and other days where staying busy is more helpful. All of this is OK. None of us know how to best handle this. What works for me may not work for you. Don’t feel pressured by “making good use of your time,” “doing the thing,” or taking action on your “dreams,” unless you want to. But also keep in mind that momentum can be healing and constructive, even just a little bit a day. Some of my most depressing times where ones in which I gave into too much couch time. But some of my most healing times were, too. Right now, I’m cool with having just a few to-do’s on my daily list and being open to the rest of my time; it feels like a good balance.
I hope this, and the resources below, are at least somewhat helpful. May we all manage this time to the best of our ability, may we all treat each other with love and care, may we all stay as healthy and balanced as possible. Please reach out if you need support; I’m here. Like, literally, here.
Here are some of my old blogs that might be helpful right now (they’re obviously not written for self-quarantine, so work with what you’ve got!)
Nighttime Routines and Rituals
Managing Emotions: 6 Things to Try Before You Lose Your Shit – Tips for getting grounded and oriented, for example
Yogic 3-Part Breath for Focus + Anxiety
Breath as the Currency of Transformation + Heart-Centered Breathing
What to Do on the Crappiest of Days
Mindfulness Through the Five Senses
And here are a ton of FREE resources:
Recipes to Explore
Simple Pantry Staple Meals for When You’re Stuck at Home
An All-Pantry Meal Plan for Coronavirus and Other Perilous Times
Gourmet-Level Recipes for Your Coronavirus Pantry Staples
Easy Recipes to Cook While You’re Self-Quarantined
Movement
**New Addition** 5-times-a-week dance parties with @ryan.heffington on Instagram Live have changed my quarantined world.
Free livestream classes with my personal gym! Listed under Endorphin City Park location
Free 90-day trial with Peloton
Tons of free workouts here with PaleOMG
2 free months Free Online Yoga
Thrillist List of Virtual Fitness Classes
There is no shortage of movement stuff on YouTube. Many of your home gyms and favorite in-person yoga studios (and individual teachers!) may be offering content for members or the community at large. Some may be asking for donations, so please give anything is you’re able; this is going to hit them hard, financially.
Mindfulness + Meditation
Create a Home Retreat with Tara Brach
Tons of Free Meditation Resources for Anyone Who’s Isolated, from Lodro Rinzler
20 Meditation Resources for 2020, from Lodro Rizler
How To Calm Your Anxiety About The Coronavirus In 90 Seconds
Free Mindfulness Resources to Find Calm and Nourish Resilience During the COVID Outbreak
Tons of apps! Headspace (currently free for healthcare providers!), Calm, Insight Timer, just to name a few. Or again, YouTube.
Sobriety + Recovery
17 Ways to Stay Sober When You’re Stuck at Home
13 Online Recovery Meetings + Groups You’ll Want to Check Out
Free Month of She Recovers Yoga with Taryn Strong
Free Online Sobriety Support During COVID-19
In the Rooms Global Recovery Community
(FREE) Entertainment + Enrichment
10 University Art Classes You Can Take for Free Online
Free Month of The Great Courses
2 months of Skillshare classes for free
National Parks with Google Arts and Culture
The Science of Wellbeing course at Yale University
Audible just made hundreds of titles completely free to help during coronavirus crisis
Stay at Home Online Music Festival + Events Calendar
Stuck at home? Take free drawing classes from famous illustrators
Free Virtual Cooking Classes on Instagram with Massimo Bottura
While Disney World & Disneyland Are Closed, Take Your Kids On Virtual Rides
List of Best Live Streams (safari watering holes, bears in Alaska, look for Nessie!)
Ways to help
- Activist Shaun King has started @c19helpsquad on Instagram. You can connect there and join a huge crew of people helping nationwide, as well as in many cities. You can also ask for help if needed.
- Together Rising
- Local homeless shelters, food banks and kitchens, nation- and world-wide crisis response groups
- Prepay for services (hair styling, home care, gift certificates to your favorite restaurant, etc.)
- Foster a pet because animals are immeasurably helpful right now!
- Order takeout and help your local favorites while giving yourself a night off from cooking
