Here were my numbers:
About $100/week for 52 weeks = $5200 (sometimes at least!)
And what about your time? Let’s say 15 hours/week for 52 weeks (= 780 hours).
When I first stopped drinking (well, actually/hopefully, the last time I stopped drinking), I downloaded one of those apps that tracks your time. You can set it up for anything, really, but many people in recovery from substance addiction use it for tracking just that. So, I named mine AFAF!, which is Alcohol-Free As-F#@!!, and entered the time of my last drink (which was a craft beer on the day after my friends’ beautiful wedding in the Catskills). I also had the option to enter money and time saved, in addition to time without alcohol. This was all to finally discover the true cost of gray area drinking… once and for all.
I have a “complicated” relationship with money, and, I’m perpetually “busy.” I knew I was spending way too much money on drinking, so I was into seeing how much I’d “save” if I didn’t. I’m always up for a good deal and I’m always down for proving my good decisions. I was also spending increasingly way, way too much time drinking (something you can easily do in the throes of unexpected unemployment (of sorts), and especially when your partner is working across the country, it turns out!), and this actually bothered me more than the hole in my wallet.
So I came up with the above figures to start my count on all counts (I wanted to really, really know… what was the true cost of gray area drinking in my life?)
Honestly, it felt like a conservative guesstimate. While to some people, this may seem like a lot of money and time to spend solely on drinking, to my gray area drinkers (and my not-so-gray-area drinkers), this is like almost nothing.
Again, this was just the time and money I spent actually drinking. For time as a true cost of gray area drinking, these numbers did not include:
- Time spent thinking about alcohol (how much I was looking forward to my first drink of the day, planning how much I was or wasn’t going to drink because I was always trying to “moderate,” wishing I hadn’t drank that much last night and tonight would be different; i.e., moderation starting right now!)
- Time obtaining alcohol (I never bought enough because I was always trying to “moderate,” but then would want more after a few drinks so I’d go get it.)
- All the time checked out of my actual life because of alcohol (hangovers, television binges during or after or the next day, sleeping in, waking up in the middle of the night and not being able to fall back asleep, hours on social media and drunk messaging my faraway friends)
- Time spent hanging out with people who, it turns out, I didn’t even particularly care for and/or who weren’t good for me
- Immense amounts of time agonizing over the night before, time spent trying to piece it all together, time feeling so awful about myself and my actions and my lack-of-control, time spent apologizing to or avoiding people
- Time spent running and working out simply in order to “burn” my alcohol calories (and related food intake), or, to burn calories prior to a night of drinking
- All of the above, plus the actual drinking hours, for the years and years of binge drinking before I quit (this is a sh*tload of time to be putting poison into your body, my friends)
And for money, these numbers did not include:
- Money spent on food:
- eating out while drinking (sometimes at nice places, sometimes at crappy places)
- food consumed after drinking (late night pizza, fast food)
- hangover food (for someone who’s next-day eating disorder was ruled by the previous night’s alcohol consumption, this was a huge amount of money for me and was incredibly problematic)
- Money spent on taxis, public transportation, maybe a little bit on Ubers or Lyfts (they were just getting popular)
- Money spent on therapy and coaches. I thought I needed therapy and coaching before I actually admitted/realized how much alcohol was a major contributing factor to all (EVERY SINGLE ONE OF) the reasons for therapy and coaching: depression, anxiety, relationships, health, life plans, career goals.
- Money spent on marriage counseling because I was just kind of an a-hole when I drank sometimes.
- Money spent on working out and personal trainers. I wouldn’t have needed them if I hadn’t been so obsessed with not gaining alcohol and food weight.
- Sooooo much money spent on inpatient treatment. I could have very easily avoided it if I would have dealt with this shit sooner. Like before the gray area turned more not-so-gray.
And now, the “priceless” part of this advertisement for AFAF! Living. There are more things gained in stopping gray area drinking than I can count (these are un-quantifiable).
A few:
- My relationships (marriage, friends, family) are so much more golden and deeper than before.
- My career was essentially resurrected and flourishes with lots more purpose and direction.
- A new realization that mornings are the actual best.
- I don’t miss out on anything unless I want to (and oh, the JOMO – joy of missing out – is real!)
- My self-hatred and guilt are nowhere to be found.
- An eating disorder I had has also flown the coop.
- My energy is stable, my sleep is sweet.
- My skin is glowy, even as I creep very close to my 40’s.
- Depression and anxiety, both seemingly life-long, still do creep up sometimes. But they don’t derail me. I can deal with them in a fraction of the time now.
- All that time and money is directed toward so many other things (experiences, adventure, education, actual life goals)
- I’m present to my life; the ups and the downs.
- My self-confidence is legit and I am genuinely proud of myself.
- And just being an all-around better person, FTW.
If this resonates with you, if you’re struggling or you want things to be different, please have hope.
If I can turn this shitty ship around, so can you, my dear. I believe that at least part of you knows that. You were meant for so much more, and you deserve to find that out for yourself.
